Your Life Is About To Change
By: J.J. (email@example.com)
"How are the works going on New Wichita?"
"Well. There's only a small problem. A security Agent. Even if she is only a young girl she seems pretty determinate to obstacle us Nemesis."
"Don't tell me you aren't able to get rid of a girl, are you Gaspar?"
"It isn't that simple Nemesis. If we kill her we will immediately draw upon ourselves the attention of the Cavalry Command too."
"The best thing to do will be to organize an incident but she is always on guard."
"Always on guard eh? A young girl manages to scare the terrible Outriders!"
"That's not that simple Jesse! If you are so sure to be able to free us of her why you don't do it?"
"No problem Gaspar. Obviously if you permit this Nemesis."
"Feel free to go. Everything to get rid of this boring guy."
"As you wish Nemesis."
Work, work, work.
She does it seriously, working hard.
It was all she has.
She feels alone.
Too much works, too many responsibilities.
Her parents died when she was a small child.
Her uncles, who raised her, can't manage to substitute them.
They don't want to substitute them.
After all she isn't their true daughter.
And they have other children.
She should not be jealous.
It is unfair.
After all they raised her.
They love her.
Or at least... she thinks so.
But she feels alone.
Her independence, her work, her ability keep far from her the boys too.
But maybe even if things were different it would be the same.
She isn't pretty, she isn't womanly, she isn't...
Maybe she should accept she has to stay alone.
To get used to the idea.
After all, strong and brave princes who run to save pretty girls exist in fairy tales only.
Why isn't her life a fairy tales?
Will it be true she will be alone forever?
The rumour of the motor of the car when she turns the ignition key it's the only answer she get for her thoughts.
To make happen an incident is simple.
Basically you have to do three things:
To shoot to a wheel while the car is going at a high speed;
To make find the car to people you thrust in;
To corrupt the technical who will control the car.
There aren't real problems you have to worry about.
A pity for the girl especially if she is able.
While he waits for her car to come into view he reflects on what he is about to do.
And he discovers there isn't much in him of the Star Sheriff he was.
Too much time is gone, too many things happened.
The sentimentalisms are something he can't allow himself to have anymore.
He knows it from too much time.
He knew it before to join the Cavalry Command.
But then he thoughts...
Tsk, probably it was only cause he was too young.
A noise informs him the car is coming near.
It would be enough just one shot.
And the girl will be probably dead on spot.
Death is always better than Outrider prisons.
And the street is perfect for an incident, irregular, unfrequented and far from the city.
Maybe it wouldn't be necessary to make find the body.
There, no one would come to search for her.
After all, none searches an orphan and this is a thing he knows well.
Patiently he waits for the car to be near enough.
That oppressive feeling of loneliness didn't let her from when she left.
No matter how much she increments the speed she can't manage to leave it behind.
It scares her.
It is oppressive.
She increases the speed again.
And if she should have an incident... who cares?
She increases, increases, increases.
Then a sound similar to a burst.
Maybe a wheel?
She doesn't know, the speed doesn't allow her to have a good control on the car.
The car skids.
Her mind frees itself of melancholy; it's concentrate only on keeping the car under control.
A stroke, a strong one.
Did she bump against something?
She doesn't know, all starts to become so dark...
Damn, the little one is really good!
She kept a partial control on the car when many people would have no idea about what to do.
While he stands up to observe where the car ended from his lips escapes a whistle of admiration.
Not a match for him and even for the Star Sheriffs but... good.
Now he hasn't much more to do than to check if she is still alive or not and if she is...
He can choose if to let her here or to give her the last blow.
A pity to kill a so gifted girl.
He always admired who is an able person even if he never admitted it openly.
He is good in valuing people.
He must be or he could not use them.
And he knows how to recognize natural ability.
A real waste to kill her.
Someone help me...
She is really good.
A pity to have to kill her.
And looking at her from near she is cute too.
Not an exceptional beauty but...
He removes her hair from her face.
With a naive and undefended look.
Easy to fool.
A waste to kill her.
But he can't let she interferes with their plans.
He always made his mind up quickly.
This time will not be an exception.
He takes her in his arms and gets her out of the car.
She moves a little.
She is pretty light.
Come on SnowWhite it's time to wake up.
Am I dead?
Then someone takes her in his arms, gently.
Her prince comes to rescue her.
A vague light.
She must open her eyes.
Someone is holding her.
Someone is calling her.
Open your eyes Trista!
But all seems out of focus.
Then it becomes clear.
Someone is near to her for real.
Two blue eyes...
Clear like the spring sky...
Like the sea of her childhood memories...
With a worried expression...
Staring at her...
Then she is back in herself even if her head is heavy.
They aren't casual clothes...
An Outrider one!
More due to automatic reflex that something else she manages to put herself on her foots and to extract her gun.
She aims it against him.
What does he think to do against her?
Her gaze is still blurry but her words sound enough confident while she does her duty.
But the Outrider doesn't attack her.
His voice is gentle while he speaks to her.
Even if it arrives to her blurry.
And if you believe to what he says he isn't an Outrider.
And so who is he?
Her gaze becomes blurry again.
Her strength is leaving her.
He is dangerously near.
Her heart beats so fast.
She doesn't think to understand what he says to her.
But it sounds so gentle!
Who else was gentle with her?
Her head spins while she stares at him.
She can't manage to keep herself up anymore and so she falls.
He is the one who sustains her.
She feels strangely comfortable in this unknown guy's arms while she falls back into unconsciousness.
And while all seems more unreal she manages to catch only bits of what he is saying to her.
...Your life is about to change...
No, you are wrong.
It's already changed.
You changed it.
And I... I'm not sorry.
"Jesse for what damned reason did you take that girl here? And why did you take her to the infirmary instead of placing her in the prison?"
"Calm down Gaspar I know what I do."
"Yeah sure. But don't you realize? She works for the Star Sheriffs. It's like to invite them here too. How can Nemesis manage to trust in you?"
His yelling is cut by a gun aimed very near to his nose.
"Now stop this. I know what I do. The girl remains here. Under my responsibility. And you will see she will not give us any type of problem."
"Oh yes? And how does you think to do?"
"She is able. And I'm just in need of an assistant."
"And you think she will accept, don't you? Are you joking, aren't you?"
"Wanna bet on it?"
"You humans. Always victims of your emotions. It's said you spend every night with a different girl without worrying if she is an Outrider or not. You fell in love for her now, don't you? And you have already forget the other one."
"My private life is none of your business Gaspar. You'll do better to stay out of it. And stay away from the girl. I take care of her."
"As you prefer Jesse. But try to not create problems."
"Stop that. You hope she'll be a problem, don't you? I'm sorry Gaspar you'll never have enough brain for to have my head."
While the man bows in sign of respectful obedience, his lips, too weakly for to be heard, murmur: "Damned bastard!"
I'm so tired.
Confuse memories of the day before move in her mind.
She can't manage to put them in a logic order.
She remembers the pain.
The pain that now seems stopped.
And then she remembers... the prince.
No, he wasn't a prince.
But she'd loved if he was one.
Surely she must have bumped her head too badly.
She is ready to bet she dreamed the prince.
She tries tentatively to open her eyes.
At first she can't put on focus a thing.
Then the borders return clears.
She tries to put herself sit.
And when her gaze stares on the other person in the room with her, she thinks she will fell again back.
She just looses her bet.
Or she is still dreaming.
The prince is there.
And he smiles gently at her.
"Hey, I think you aren't in the condition to move yourself yet!"
Surely she bumped her head too hard!
She stares at him unable to answer.
He helps her to lay down again gently.
"I figure your awakening is my fault. I have no intention to disturb you. It's just I wanted to check how you were. Are you fine?"
Yes surely this is a dream!
Mn… she seems still a bit under shock.
But actually she is quiet.
In this way, under the covers, she looks a lot like a child.
She looks at him.
Surely she doesn't resemble the girls he spent his night with actually.
Too much naive.
She doesn't resemble April either.
She is different from her.
Another type of beauty.
Given by other elements.
Not the April's sweet, gentle and delicate charm.
She has the grim of who keep herself busy, of who love strong enthusiasms and strong passions.
Of who believe in the fairy tales and have a desperate need of love.
She ended under the hands of the wrong person.
In the wrong moment.
Maybe, if he didn't meet April...
If he wasn't the Outriders' Commander...
Senseless to question himself about those things.
She listens him confused.
She seems to believe to all he says to her.
Or maybe she simply wants to believe in him.
One always has the need to believe in something.
His strong temperament permits him to believe in himself.
The girl's temperament...
Evidently it isn't strong.
She needs to thrust she is loved.
And to think she can thrust completely in who she loves and in who loves her.
And till he will have this role... she will be his.
He speaks to her with a friendly, gentle tone.
She feels herself confuse.
It's her duty to stop the Outriders.
It's her duty to arrest him.
What did her duty give to her?
She is alone, without love, without friend, without someone.
She wants him to continue to speak to her.
She wants his blue eyes to stare only at her.
She wants him to hold her again.
Does he know he has this effect on her?
And would he laughs of her should he understand it?
She wants so much him to love her!
And lost in her reflections she realizes she is listening and answering only to one half of what he is saying.
What will he think about her now?
That she isn't giving him attention?
The thought throws her in panic but she has no idea about how to make up.
He smiles indulgent.
He doesn't seem mad.
"Are you scared? Don't worry; the Outriders will not touch you. They aren't bad guys."
"No, of course! They just want only... to share with us their advanced technology."
"But they attacked us." She timidly objects.
"That's what the Cavalry Command managed to make you believe. Try to think about this. They have a better technology, more advanced than ours. Why should they attack us? What have we, they haven't?"
"I don't know... it's all so confuse... they always told me they..."
"They always told you. Exactly. It's this what the Cavalry Command wants. Till we are weak and uncivil we are easier to control. And they can act as heroes fighting the Outriders."
"If the Outrider were really so bad they wouldn't have helped you Trista. The Cavalry Command puts in the people's heads absurd ideas type the one of the Outriders eating children as some fairy tales monsters. It isn't true Trista. It doesn't seems to you too a bit too absurd for to be true?"
"Well, now that you make me think about that..."
"Unluckily we were forced to use the strength to try to carry to the others the technical progress they deserve. It's a pity. But we haven't another choice. A day... when the Cavalry Command will be defeated... then we will have the peace. And maybe we will not be enemies anymore. And we will be able to know each other better."
"Know each other better?"
"Well it was just an idea. I understand you don't want to know an Outriders' Commander. Now get some rest and don't move yourself. I will come to visit you again if you don't mind. And when you will feel better I will carry you back to the city."
"Will you let me go? Really?"
"Sure! What were you thinking, that I would eat you?"
He seems vaguely offended.
She didn't mean to offend him.
"No surely I..."
"Don't worry. I understand. It's natural you have a bad opinion about me. They taught you so."
"No Jesse wait I... I haven't a bad opinion about you."
Is there hope in his voice?
He smiles to her.
He is so beautiful when he smiles!
If he would smile in that way only for her...
But now he has to go.
Now he is just about to go out and...
"I don't mind."
"If you come to visit me again. I don't mind."
He smiles to her.
"Then I undoubtedly will do it. We'll see. Get some rest."
There is a triumph note in his voice.
She feels the strong wish to cry hurrah.
He is interested in her.
And he will come back to see her.
Her work, her duty... all this doesn't count anymore.
She is in love.
And he seems to return her love.
Her life takes another route.
And it never seemed so beautiful to her.
She let herself to be fooled so easily by what he told her.
Maybe he should feel a bit in fault for what he did to her.
But to have remorse isn't in his temperament.
To turn back.
Those are all things he can't permit to himself.
And if she is so ingenuous...
He is fooling a young girl.
It's really true he is a bastard without heart.
Well, the other option was to kill her.
At last he saved her life.
And it's true he likes her.
But he isn't in love for her.
He goes to see her often during her convalescence.
And he realizes he does this willing.
At least... this doesn't bother him.
Even if she is naive and believes in everything he tells her, she is smart enough.
Surely over the Outriders' level.
A pity her ingenuity.
It stops her to completely use her intelligence.
Her shy smile is charming.
Shy, naive people are always an easy target.
He will not have to take her to the city.
She asks him to stay by her own.
She wants to be his "assistant".
Maybe this is the reason that causes him to not feel very satisfied in fooling her.
It's too easy.
She is too vulnerable.
Too in love.
Instinctively he asks her if she understands the consequences of this.
He isn't just checking her fidelity.
He knows in saying that he gives her a chance to turn back and to take back her request.
She looks down but she nods confidently.
She already chose.
Wow she is really in love for him!
And he doesn't know if to feel happy or unhappy about this.
The sentence "I'm sorry Gaspar you'll never have enough brain for to have my head." is based on a sentence Jesse said in the episode 40 Jesse's girl "Gaspar doesn't want just my position but my head too and that's what I like in him!". About Jesse sleeping with more girls, Outriders and not, there's no mention about it in the series. As for the stuffs Jesse tells to Trista... yes, they're not the most persuasive but neither were in the series. In my opinion Trista was "blinded by love" and would believe to everything Jesse would say to her so he didn't really bothered much to put together a believable story.
Trista is alone in the office that was assigned to her.
She is used to be alone.
But now, since she has someone who loves her, the situation doesn't seem so tragic anymore to her.
It's just a temporal thing.
Then it ends and she is again with Jesse.
She isn't alone anymore.
She smiles at the thought.
She must try to be very useful to him.
She doesn't want to delude him.
He seems to count so much on her...
It feels good to feel useful.
It feels good to feel loved.
It feels good to feel happy.
For a moment her mind turns back to the others, her uncles, her cousins, her workmates, her people...
They would not approve.
But did they ever care about her?
Did they ever consider her?
She deluded herself about it for too many years.
Now she knows the truth.
She doesn't like it.
But it's the truth.
And Jesse says you'll have always to be able to face the truth.
The cutest boy she knows.
She learned to know him better from when she is there.
Brilliant, confident, a bit isolated by the Outriders he takes his revenge on them scaring them a lot.
He isn't exactly a good guy and he has a horrible temperament sometimes.
But he is gentle with her.
And he speaks with her, he explains her things.
And he kisses so well...
She blushes at the thought.
She is really desperately in love for him.
And she is jealous about him.
She knows she isn't the only girl in his life.
She knows other girls were in it.
Some of them knew him more... intimately.
Of all the things she could think about the Outriders the last one was gossipy.
They still keep her far.
Not that she really cares about it.
It isn't for them she is there.
Jesse... she doesn't want he could be someone else's property.
Her Commander has to be only hers.
She doesn't want to loose him.
She doesn't want a common girl, just a bit more disposable, to take him away from her.
But he never asks her something.
Maybe doesn't he think her pretty enough?
Determinate to not allow to anyone to take her boyfriend away Trista makes her decision.
"I... do you like me?"
"What sort of questions are you doing this evening? You wouldn't be here if I didn't like you."
About what is she thinking today?
Girls sometimes are absurd.
"People talk about you. Not in a very gentle way."
"People talk a lot about me. Sometimes they tell the truth. To what thing in particular are you referring?"
She blushes and turns away from him.
So it's nothing to worry about.
"Is it real you seduce every pretty girl you meet?"
The Outriders' Commander starts to laugh.
Generally Outriders accuse him about this but no one even dared to ask him that directly.
"There's nothing to laugh about. Is it true or not?"
"You are a little jealous, aren't you eh? Uhm let me think... it's true I don't spend all my nights alone if this is what you want to know but they were just nights."
"Sure for boys they are always just nights."
"For those girls too, were just nights. That's why we spend them together. No one expects much more than that. And, by the way, actually I'm not spending my nights with anyone."
"Do you want to come in my room this night to check?"
She blushes and he starts laughing again.
He isn't serious about this.
He is just joking with her.
After all she is still a young girl.
And he isn't anymore.
He forgot those aren't thing to joke with.
He stops to laugh and turns his gaze to her.
In front of him there isn't a young girl anymore but a woman.
A woman in love.
"I figure you know what you just said, don't you?"
Her face is still red but she has a very determinate look.
All of sudden this isn't that funny.
He nods too.
For this night he doesn't think he will be alone.
People would never tell Jesse knows how to be gentle.
And they would never tell he has a so passionate temperament.
Usually he seems very cold.
Against him she can clearly feel his body warmness.
His way to hug her is strong and possessive.
Even if with her he tries to be gentle.
His check is against her forehead.
He isn't sleeping.
And she asks to herself what he's thinking.
She hasn't second thoughts.
She was just a bit scared at first.
No, a lot.
But then it's gone.
She always thought she would have one of that common, banal lives Jesse hates so much.
She would have known a good boy.
She would have been engaged to him.
Then they would marry.
They would have a small house.
And some children.
She never imagined she would fall in love for the Outrider's Commander.
She never imagined she would work under him.
She never imagined she would spend her nights with him.
Without being married.
But marriage doesn't matter at the moment.
They love each other, what's more important?
She smiles and turns her head to look at him.
Their eyes meet.
"Aren't you sleeping yet? Why?"
In his voice there isn't a disturbed note.
Only a bit of surprise.
"I don't want to fall asleep. What could I do if when I'll wake up I'll discover this was all a dream?"
He smiles to her.
"Silly girl. You are an helpless romantic Trista."
"And why aren't you asleep yet?"
"I hardly sleep. Till when I was a child. I usually sleep maybe three, four hours at night. I hate nights. They are endless. That's why I have so much time for girls."
But it's a bitter smile.
And she has the impression he just told her the first important confession about his life.
"Well this means that from this moment I'll keep you company. You are in trap Jesse."
He smiles again, amused this time.
"Do you think I have to know your family? I mean I would introduce you to my family but my parents died when I was young and my uncles... well they..."
"I don't think you can know my family Trista. I usually never frequent cemeteries. It's senseless. There's nothing to wait for me there."
"Do you mean your parents too..."
Maybe she should tell him the usual stuffs type the ones they told her.
She doesn't feel like doing it.
She never loved those things.
And she thinks it will be the same for Jesse.
She rests her head on his chest murmuring: "So we are really the same you and I, mn?"
He doesn't answer but his hold becomes stronger.
And with a hand he strokes her hair gently.
She feels fine in that way.
Why can't this last forever?
A lot of time is gone from when he saved Trista.
As he thought, she had been useful.
And she still is.
Her memories are a bit farther.
At this moment he maybe would not loose his time asking for her love.
Trista is always around him.
She isn't only a good help.
She keeps him company.
She listens to him.
She is so crazy to insist in being awake when he is awake.
Maybe that's why, differently from the other girls, he like her.
But he doesn't love her.
It would be easier if he would love her.
Or maybe not.
She has no idea about who he is really.
She is still a young girl.
And he knows what will happen to her if...
He doesn't like the idea but he knows the rules.
And his play is too big and important for allowing something to go wrong.
He can't throw it away for a girl.
But maybe if she is lucky this will never happen.
Her problem is she is terribly sentimental.
Her being an orphan makes her search love, not makes her understand that probably people would never give it to her.
It's so easy to fool her!
And he isn't the only one able to do it.
Actually their outpost is too big and important for not attracting the attention of the Cavalry Command.
Now they are well organized but...
Trista is their weak side.
As he used her for having her silence and her cooperation they can use her for managing to enter in their base.
She would never speak even under torture.
But she would confide into a person she thinks her friend.
And Star Sheriffs seems friendly.
And they aren't stupid.
For this reason he didn't want to let her go out of the base.
But she wanted to go to her aunt.
She was worried.
To be worried for her uncles.
Not considering the romantic vision Trista has, her uncles could care less about her.
They raise her cause this was their duty.
He hates those hypocrisies.
Her uncles don't love her.
They have their own children.
It's easy to understand.
But not for Trista.
She wants their love.
And she will not have it.
She couldn't have it first figure it now she is his girlfriend!
Sighing Jesse allows himself a glance out of the window.
He shouldn't have let her go.
But it's too late for being sorry.
Now he has nothing more to do that to wait and let the destiny to have its course.
Her meeting with her aunt didn't go as she hoped.
After all Jesse warned her.
Oh well at least she had found a friend.
Her first friend.
Delilah is happy, nice and very pretty.
Trista surprises herself thinking she is just a bit... how to say... 'unusual'.
She lives only for the present, is interested only about music and dresses, doesn't mind about anything and has no idea about who the Outriders are.
Probably she is from a rich family.
But she doesn't want to be jealous of her first friend.
She wants to do a good impression on her.
And maybe she too will choose to stay at the base.
The Outriders, diffident as usual, are an obstacle.
She chooses to abuse a little of her relation with Jesse.
He manages to scare all even just with his name.
Her plan works.
She can enter.
And, for the first time, she can show to someone else with pride her new life.
What she does.
She can speak with someone.
About her work.
Delilah sees one picture of them together.
She thinks he his gorgeous.
And she is happy about her approval but... she is a bit jealous too.
Delilah is very pretty.
What will she do if Jesse falls in love for her?
Placing in its place the receiver Jesse thinks back to the new he has just received.
Trista came back.
But she is not alone.
A girl with long blond hair was with her.
And he knows very well a girl with long blond hair.
It's happened what he thought.
For to be sure he checks.
The sensor reveals that someone is transmitting data with the extern.
In an unauthorized way.
Maybe it isn't too late.
But he doesn't hope on it.
He calls Trista feeling like this would be the last time he could speak with her as...
Jesse was right.
Delilah betrayed her.
She has not friend.
She should have known better.
First her aunt, now Delilah.
Who does remain to her?
She deluded him but she'll be able to make this up.
She'll find Delilah and...
How could she do this to her?
She trusted in her!
And Delilah seemed so...
What has she Delilah could wish to take her away?
The answer hits her while the alarm she pressed is echoing for the entire base.
Delilah found him gorgeous.
Delilah wants him for herself.
But she would not take him away from her.
Ready to commit her first murder for him.
What absurd things one can do when he is in love.
It's not worthy Trista will ruin her life for this.
She isn't born for fighting with the Outriders.
And while he pulls away from her hands the arm he knows he'll do better to be brutal with her.
It will be useful for her.
For not let herself being fooled again.
She is lucky.
A bullet in a shoulder doesn't cause a too big damage.
The blow his words and actions gave to her will cause much more damage.
He didn't expect April to be able to fool a young girl.
He believed those were things she can't do.
He overestimated her.
And Trista would have to pay the consequences.
He never feels so mad with her.
He would kill her for this.
As he imagined Colt and Fireball are coming to rescue.
They would worry about Trista.
After all, after what they did to her, isn't that their "duty"?
And she still can't believe at all that happened.
She lost all.
What does remain to her?
Her aunt repudiated her.
Delilah betrayed her.
Jesse shot her.
Her shoulder burns a lot.
But she doesn't care.
She lost him.
She loved him.
She still loves him.
She should hate him.
While she gets far from that place she lefts her foulard.
Her birthday present from her aunt.
Now she doesn't need it anymore.
Now she hasn't anyone.
And she doesn't want to be there to accept Delilah's... April's pity.
The girl Jesse loves.
Maybe now he isn't that in love for her anymore.
When he saw her there he seemed... deluded.
Stupid girl who doesn't love him!
She loves him so much!
And he... doesn't.
Why didn't he kill her at least?
Jesse doesn't like cowards.
She will show him.
She will become exactly the girl type he wants.
She didn't give up on him.
Jesse would call her stupid.
But he would appreciate her determination.
She smiles to herself.
Whatever thing he would tell her, whatever thing April will do, she is the one who was the nearest to him, who loved him more.
And she knows in his own way he too loved her.
And she is sure he can do it again.
Jesse watches her as she gets far.
Whatever decision she took she is determinate to realize it.
This is her best side, the determination.
He hopes only she took the right decision.
With the Star Sheriffs' victory his work is ended.
Obviously since he wasn't responsible for the base there will not be consequences for him.
But if Trista will stay with him Nemesis will take his revenge on her.
But if the girl will make loose her tracks...
Nemesis will not loose his time checking if she is still alive or not.
She is unimportant.
She always was unimportant for all.
But for a short time she was important for him.
And if things were different... who know?
This story is entirely based on the episode 40 Jesse's girl that, in my opinion, could have been developed a lot more because it has a veeery intriguing plot. By the way in the series Jesse didn't shoot to Trista. We simply see her on the ground before the wall will crumble and April throw on her to protect her, then we see April taking care of her as if she had been injured and them, as the battle is ended, we hear Colt saying she went away. In the Japanese version Perios (Jesse) wanted to shoot to Marianne (April), when Chiruka (Trista) placed herself in front of him and was hit probably to dead. Perios anyway, deluded by her betrayal, shot her a second time and she fell on the ground. Few time later she died in Marianne's arms who, when the battle was ended found her foulard between the ruins of the exploded base. In the fic I added the scene of Jesse shooting at her because... well it looked more logic considering the scenes that follow later. Let's figure the shot was done a second before Colt and Fireball caused the wall to explode... As for the relation between Jesse and Trista... My opinion is those two weren't ready yet to be together. They could become a good couple but they still needed more time. And it was denied to them.. Honestly I don't understand why... *sigh*