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Tales From Saber Rider's Secret Journal
By: JJ (jjblue10@hotmail.com), Yarol (Ael7a@aol.com)


The "Karaoke" Competition
Written by Yarol


From the secret journal of Saber Rider:

Due to the recent union troubles a Cavalry Command Karaoke Night was organized to keep the troops spirits up during the negotiations. We allowed the Outriders to join under the understanding that it was only temporary, one-time deal. The rules for the night were simple; no songs from after 1990, and no undue amounts of profanity in the lyrics.

We learned one grand and great lesson from this:
MOST OUTRIDERS CANNOT SING TO SAVE THEIR LIVES. We are fortunate that they've never discovered this. It could be used as a most potent weapon.

Most performances were either forgettable or terrible. Here then are the highlights:

And I'll start with myself. I gave a good rendition of the old gag song, "The Scotsman." I'm afraid it rather spoilt my performance when that stuffy Outrider Commander Pointe refused to let me reveal what a Scotsman "don't wear beneath the kilt!" I was disappointed, but not as much as the women in the audience.

On to Fireball...and we'd best leave him immediately. He's bally good racer, but a singer? There was run on earplugs.

One of the best performances was given by Trista Derringer. Her rousing and rather pointed rendition of "I Will Survive" had the female half of the audience up and cheering, and the most of the male half looking for cover. Jesse was heard to have said afterwards "Don't sugar-coat it, Trista, tell me how you really feel."

On the other hand, Robin gave us a sweet version of an obscure ballad, "Wasurenaide" ("Don't Forget") from some old anime series call Bubblegum Crisis. I do believe I caught Colt crying, and muttering that he was the luckiest man alive.

In what could have been the scariest and most arrogant performance of the evening, was Jesse Blue singing "Gimme The Prize" by Queen. He sang it seriously, passionately, and meaning every word of it. In all it had terrifying implications. However, the audience was reduced to helpless laughter by his performance. He wore a red rubber clown nose throughout. Let it never be said that Jesse does not have a sense of humour.

The real surprise of the evening was the performance by the quartet of Gen. Whitehawk, Commander Eagle, King Jarret, and Nemesis. The crowd went wild as they sang (and quite well at that) KISS's "Rock and Roll All Night" in full make-up and gear. April will never live down that one of the cadet tossed her bra up on stage and that her father caught with his teeth. Colt required oxygen be administered -- he had turn quite literally blue from laughter.


The "Kiss Your Girlfriend For The Longest Time" Competition
Written by J.J.


From the secret journal of Saber Rider:

During the truce it was organized the usual "Kiss your girlfriend for the longest time" competition.
For showing our spirit of cooperation and availability, the Outriders too were allowed to take place in it and, to increase the fighting spirit of the participants, a mysterious, prestigious, high valued premium was prepared for the winner couple.

Between the participants the most famous couples were:

  1. Colt and, of course, Robin
  2. Lila and Demon, the two circus artists
  3. Brunhilda and Mohawk, two Outrider Commanders (interested only in the premium)
  4. Fireball and, after a ferocious fight with Mandarin and Claudia, April (who dragged him in the position and threatened him to not let him go alive if they didn't win the competition)

As judges were called:

  1. Ambassador (and Commander) Jesse Blue, who was 'incidentally' aiming his gun to Fireball, as he noticed his presence near to April.
  2. Commander Eagle, who was preparing an even more dangerous treatment for Fireball, for daring to touch his baby girl.
  3. Nemesis, who chose he needed to try this thing cause it could be funny and so kissed the person nearer to him, General WhiteHawk.
  4. General WhiteHawk, who, after his traumatic experience with Nemesis, fainted, and had to be carried away.
  5. Commander Gattler, who tried to do the same as Nemesis with a more adapt subject, or in other words, my girlfriend Cynthia.
  6. Myself, who 'incidentally' hit Gattler strong enough to put him in a 'out of service' state, as soon as he tried to come near to Cynthia.
The competition was followed with much interest especially from the Outriders, all armed with video cameras and all sure this was the best way to study human reproduction system.
Unluckily some incidents had place in the competition. First of all an irregularity was discovered. Brunhilda and Mohawk, to be sure to win, placed some glue on their lips. They were disqualified and dragged away still attached.
Colt performance was interrupted by Robin, who slapped him because one of his ex-girlfriends came at the competition and made some comments about her knowledge about 'her cowboy's' kissing ability. The slap that followed was strong enough to leave Colt unconscious for the following three hours.
Fireball and April's performance had a technical problem due to the inexperience of one of the participants. Fireball forgot to breath while he was kissing April and, after reaching a nice violet color, was nearly dying of suffocation. While the ambulance dragged him away his last words were: "Did we win?" Not necessary to say that a nice group of people 'worried for his health', among them Commander Eagle and Jesse, followed him to the hospital to 'take care' of him.

In the end the winners were Lila and Demon (the only one couple who survived without incidents at the competition), who won an autographed by Marc Handler second-hand copy of the great movie: "Saber Rider and The Star Sheriffs: 'The Challenge'", which had an high sentimental value for General WhiteHawk (It came from his personal collection and was stolen from him and used as premium without him being informed).


The End

2000/03 JJ, Yarol And don't forget to write them what you think about this!